This is sucks!

Hi.. 

It has been a while I did not write anything about my day. My last post was in July 2016 about that guy who used to text me on occasional basis. Day by day, I have been more and more confused but I refused to pay attention to that. Ok... I think it is so sweet of him to say good morning to me for every single day. According to some random articles, it means he remembers YOU first thing in the morning. However, this is only applies when he only texting you, ALONE. If you are one of the girl that he texted, then this damn situation which I'm in is destined to fall in the Bullshit quadrant hahahhaha....

A Cup of Comfort for Women in Love

4.00pm at Ranau District Library.

Date: 13 July 2016

It is like a ritual whenever I have long holidays in my hometown I will pay a visit to the Ranau District library. Now it has become more significant when my circle of friends were mostly married and busy with their family and running their own LIFE. 

In my peak of singlehood, sometimes I wish I had a special someone but I know it is not a valid reason to be in a relationship. To tell the truth, I rather stay single rather than associating myself with tons of bullshits and surrounded by fake peoples who sucked the positive energy from my soul. 

After replying some of my office emails, I found the book titled, A Book of Comfort for Women in Love. It has a catchy title or maybe I am becoming more interested to the idea of being in Love again. Well... there were stories of hope and love. Maybe I am seeking for a comfort for my lonely soul. This morning I was having a decent conversation with the regular guy that I used to text. He suddenly told me about he was about to pick a girl from the airport, which I fairly disliked. Was he trying to seek for my ok or for approval? Well... in my opinion, he don't need it from me. It is his own decision. I no longer have a jealous feelings over this matter since I don't even know what are we? Reacting to this kind of stupidity will give him power over me. My respond was NOTHING because why should I be affected by that??? If I am holding a special place in his heart, he should know better. 

My dear, I am a very considerate person but I will not tolerate any inconsiderate act at any level. I was ok long before you appear in my life. It would be nice if you could be the one but I am ok if you're not.

Just don't play with my feeling because I am not interested in short term fling.

Letter to Myself

Dear Me..

You might think that you are not good enuff. You have gone through a lot... and sometimes you wonder whether somebody could really love you for who you are.

It really means a lot for someone who has difficulty to ask for help. During the difficult times.. I found some light through some angels in disguise.  Eventhough sometimes I feel that the world is weighing on my shoulder..somehow their smiles lighten up my day...

My Seoul Vacation 2015

Anyong Haseyo!!! ^^

This is the time for me to update you on my 3rd visit to Busan and Seoul. I have been to Simsontang again by accident. Now I know, Hwangbo Unnie restaurant was located in Hongdae just beside the Love Museum and actually it was pretty easy to find. I was there on November 2015. If I was on my own, I probably spent some times to eat here. I was hoping to bump into Hwangbo unnie but she was not there..huhuhuhu.... The two Ssangchu dolls were still there but...looked bit worn out. I dont care anymore about the dolls anymore since KHJ was bit mess up right now. I guess I am not big fan of him anymore. I still adore Hwangbo unnie anyway... I wish to see her one day.. ^^

My Hanami Dream Vacation

These days... I have been dreaming about hanami vacation in Osaka Japan. Literally hanami means "flower viewing", commonly used for cherry blossom viewing. I set my heart to go at the end of March 2016. I plan to go to Osaka and according to google the cherry blossom period will be from 26 March to 7 April 2016. It says about 5000 cherry blossom trees in Kema Sakuranomiya park. Osaka castle and expo 70 comemorative park also provide equally enchanting views and these are highly popular spots for hanami viewing. I am extremely excited. I can imagine myself strolling around the beautiful road in my purple pink Yukata!!!!

I was thinking to drop by to Jeju do but I guess it is very expensive if I go there and it will involve a lot of flight changes. So my I will start writing down wish list for my hanami vacation in Osaka. Kyoto. Nara. I will think again if I wanna go to Tokyo.

I am excited!!!

My Buddies Are My Heroes (Part II)-The lunch monster story

Monster 2
Hafiz- The Annoying One

I have to be in ZEN mood and try my very best to remain in my sanity. I wrote about him being some kind of GLUE to this group which was overtaken by event because he is like a social butterfly, who remain in that group when it has some benefits and LEAVE when he found another 'super fun' peoples around. So, did I say a GLUE? No... He is just like a sloytape which is easily being replaced by something else. A GLUE is a big deal. Because glue sticks around for quite long... Not easily torn by some kind of turbulence. Same goes with friendship. I value people so much and I appreciate 'Real Friends' which is difficult to get in your lifetime. Well, unfortunately, he is a 'tape' kind of guy, who will come and go as he wish.

It was entirely NOT useless knowing this guy because I learn more about handling peoples. He used to be a very sweet kind of person but I guess when he get comfortable and started to show his true colours, everything was just an illusion. Believe me, sometimes it is confusing because his behaviour changed in sudden and his mood changed like a wind. You never knew which one you may encounter. Do not be fooled by his looks. This fellow has a lot of charm while you see him sitting quietly doing his work, especially when he tried desperately to look nerd with his glasses. Well... he really has sight problems, but sometimes he tried to vary his looks by wearing his glasses instead of wearing contact lenses. He chose to appear ‘grayish’ on his first day at our Labuan FSA’s office. Wilfred seemed to notice him and say “I saw handsome boy downstair” I was quite excited to see new face in our office but... when I saw him, my first thought was .... pretty boy???? I think I should keep the thought to myself..hahahhaha... My imaginations run wild because I just watched a telemovie related to 'Sotong dude' last night. I still remember Nana and I were just talking about it. ..about how funny the story was. We were literally mimicking the 'Sheila Rosly' lines for days and there was a newbie just came.... You guys wanna know the question that I received from that newbie was.....

“How old are you?"

“Do you have a boyfriend? How does he look like?"

Is he handsome?”

That was bit awkward receiving such a DIRECT question from a stranger but I did try to give him a sensible answer. I was wondering why he has guts to ask that type of questions. That was tentatively happened four years back?? I lost the track of time. Thinking about it now, made me realize he could ask ridiculous questions more than I could imagine. When he was back to office as a permanent employee, he become more BLUNT and maybe heartless?? The frequent questions were:

“So..when you are getting married?”

“Do you have any boyfriend?”

“I am very concern because you are getting older”

“You are old. Accept it.”

If he is not part of my daily working cycle, I would opt to dismiss every single detail about him from my mind. I cannot help but feeling HURT for his ignorance about my feelings. I sometimes wonder what I have possibly done to him for me to deserve this kind of treatment. I was seriously damaged with my previous relationship and I am really in the process of mending and protecting my heart from any HURT elements. But he hurt me in some ways that I cannot describe and I cannot talk about it openly. It is not because I do not want to move on, I know very well that I have wasted so many years for a JERK like my ex. Did I mentioned that this fella has same name like my ex? As a close friend of mine, all I want is an understanding and giving me frequent doses of harsh words does not work well on me. I will always be hurt by them and I really hate it. He even made me CRIED like a fool and trust me I really has the urge to slap him. I seldom retaliate or react to his stupid remarks but I think I have to start to reply when I feel he is making unnecessary remarks about me. Since I am popularly known as a single girl, all single male in my office will be seen as a potential candidate. Thanks to all my nosey friends for being very concern about my status. I still remember when he said these lines when some peoples are teasing about us being an item.

“Yes, she looks younger than her age but numbers won’t go backwards, right?”

What the f#$!??? He literally stabbed my heart with a BIG FAT knife. When did I said that I was even considering him??? Was it so fun of him to joke about my status of singlehood??? At that point of time trust me, I really HATE this guy. Well....to say that I really hate him as person was definitely wrong terminology. I hate the words that he said. I still hate it. I was ANGRY. But I think I did not hate him as a person. Back then, I was the type of person who has a very very SOFT heart just like TOFU. Now with all his meanie words and harsh remarks. I was toughen up a bit. It was weird but it was true. Now I can defend myself with any type of mean words in a calm way.

I forgot to mention on his obsession about pigs. He thought the species of pig is extremely cute. It is very weird for a guy to like a creature like pig but he likes it. Another note, his nagging skills are 'Top Notch'... Feel free to get it sometimes when you are with him. You can never nag at him but he will do it as he please.

Another weird thing is.. apart from his ridiculous way of conveying things to me, surprisingly he appreciate the same genre of music that I like...which I found so amusing. Not all guys can actually understand the reason why I like classical...why I love the soulful voice of singers like Il Divo, Josh Groban, Andrea Bocelli, Sarah Brightman, Ramin Karimloo and the list goes on. He also like Kpop songs.... which totally seemed weird in the beginning.... which made me want to tolerate his nagging and annoying remarks. Sometimes I wish I can be as BLUNT and be heartless like him. But I can't because it is not ME.

In November 2015, we went for a vacation in Busan and Seoul. It would be great if I went to South Korea with someone  that I get along very well. Well, it was quite a journey I must say. He nagged and I listened. Anyway, we had fun watching 'The Nanny'. We met my Korean friend, Hugh. Hugh is CUTE and very thoughtful guy. No no no...the right word is 'GENTLEMAN' which is very lacking in most Malaysian man. I personally wish him the best and hope to see him in my next trip to Seoul. 

BUT

Apart from all the above, I do notice that he cares a lot for his family which is extremely good for him. I cannot say much about that. Otherwise, I could ended up making another story titled ' He and his granny' or ' Mommy's boy forever'. For the record, I have nothing against a guy being a mommy's boy. It is a good thing. I just hate a guy who do not play their role well while handling a mom and his girl.  

Now is finally in 2016, if anyone just read about this story and wonder where is he right now.  He is around, breathing in the same working space with me. I wish him well. But as I mentioned, the social butterfly only hanging around where all the honeypots stay. Refer to para 1, 'Tape' kind of guy. Remember, he is not a GLUE. 

(I am preparing for another monster story. Work in progress. Thanks to the anonymous commentator, you did inspired me to write a bit more than I used to)

Just for info, the monster number one has gone to far faraway land. Now, Nizam and his family will have a new life in BAHRAIN. May god ease their journey and everything goes well. All the best my friend.

XOXO

-Lil Sue

My Buddies Are My Heroes...

"Lunch Monsters"

As I looked at my computer watch, I can feel that my stomach is drumming with gassy kind of feelings, a way of telling my brain that I am starving. As expected, my extension line is ringing.

"Sue, come on... let’s go!! We are waiting for you at the reception" Marilyn or famously known as Baby is shouting to go out for lunch. In the end, I still can hear the cracking voice of Hafiz making fun of a lot of things about me. It is not surprising since he never run out of ideas of saying weird things about me. Sometimes I can’t help but feeling AMAZED about his 'GIFTED' ability of mocking me to the greatest level of annoyance.  I grabbed my purse and ran towards my lunch monsters buddies.

Well, I think I should do some introduction to my crazy friends and a little bit of myself. Actually I work with one of the most powerful Authority in the island of Labuan, a Federal Territory in Malaysia. I am a processing officer for the licensed entities and also handling the inquiries from our clients. Basically, if you know how the bank teller works you will be able to imagine how I work. Our clients can actually ask us everything under the sun about our products and services. We enforce and supervise them and we have long vision to be the best financial regulator in the Asia Pacific Region. We hope that one day we can beat the British Virgin Island in terms of the company incorporation. But it seems hopeless. Sigh...It is so cruel for me to say so...but I still hope we manage to achieve our target someday. Only god knows when that would be. We barely reached to ten thousand companies this year. This is part of the puzzle. My advice, do not stress yourself by trying too much on understanding what am I doing because you might have to spend the rest of your night digging your school book and trying to understand the industry that I am currently in especially when you stumble to the ‘Offshore’ term, you will start to be suspicious and start to have a lot of questions. Save that for laaaaater...ok? giggle giggle.....

Back to my crazy friends. Remember the crazy guy named Hafiz in the second para? For some weird reasons, he seems like glue that sticks us together in the 'Lunch Monsters' group. We have a dedicated whatsapp group for us where we can chat almost every single thing happened in our daily life. The Lunch Monsters consists with Nizam, Marilyn, Hafiz, Elaine and obviously ME. Let me introduce you to these peoples.

At first, I am not confident that I will be able to finally write my masterpiece but I asked myself...WHY NOT?? Since I have lot things to express to each and every one of you....

Monster 1

Nizam –The Big Brother

I still remember, when I first met him I thought he is much older than me. His hair style was just like the uncles in their mid 30s. It was an epic hairstyle which suit the 'Ahjusshi' generation (I forgot to mention that I am an avid fan of Kpop industry, less than the fanatics but not lunatics. Those who are in the same boat like me...I am sure you will understand) I am having difficulties to describe his hairstyle because it was not in the list of the 100 hairstyles of the last 100 years. I googled and finally I found some literatures about his hairstyle, it was called a 'middle parted' hairstyle or 'belah tengah' in Malay vocabulary.  Hair gel plays the most crucial part to ensure the middle parted hair stay where they supposed to be. The last time I remember the style was famous during my school days back in the 1990s. Forgive me if the term is wrong, I might be caught by the fashion police for wrong usage of words and definition. As far as I knew him, he has been a good friend. Sometimes I wish that I have real older brother like him. You will be surprise by his intelligence and his wisdom in lot area of life. Maybe his experience dealing with older peoples made him being so resourceful. His best characteristic would be loving husband to Mrs. Haruko Aida and doting daddy to Princess Aleesya. I think Nizam can be nominated as Malaysia's Prime Minister since he cares a lot about the local politics more than average people. His patriotic spirit is highly respectable. Despite of the controversial ‘Kangkung’ issue in the media, he is still looking at the positive way and try to give constructive criticism to the current government.

His second name is 'Bonzer Man' since he practice the martial art called 'Silat Gayung' only can be found in Malaysia. In addition, he also an active member of the Reserve Military of Malaysia. So... Do you think he can use real gun? Of course....!!! Currently he gained weight quite a lot of and now I am wondering whether he still can punch people like he used to. As the old sayings say, marriage will soften a person. I believe that is happening to him now, focusing more on work and becoming more workaholic. I am yawning as I wrote this para since I have to put some seriousness to describe his personality. I still remember he used to share about his legacy back his school days. He was known as one of the scariest person in hostel. I can imagine the scene...it was like a ‘Tai Ko’ in the Chinese movies, where there are some rebellions among the chief of their clans. He will be the Bruce Lee who will protect all his disciples. I know it is a bit exaggerating but he was really a fighter back in the school days.

As at now, he might be joking around with his beloved neighbour, Hafiz on their new found vocabulary in the office which is NCP an acronym for Non Competence Person and also few terms like Dodo, Didi and many more (Only used by the lunch monsters). As I said before, Hafiz has increased his popularity within his department. Maybe a Bonzer Man like Nizam also find Hafiz as an amusing creature because of his volume of voice fluctuates according to a situation. I think Nizam has found his pet buddy, the flower boy next desk (I am currently holding my laugh to the max!!!). He has NO idea that at this very moment I am recording all their behaviour in my writing. Maybe if he found out now, he will be rolling on the floor and laughing non-stop. He will be thankful to me for the good laugh. That’s for sure...